Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
