Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
