Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
