he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
