Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
