Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
