Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
