I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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