why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
