That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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