Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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