i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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