you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
