dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
