You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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