you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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