You made me cry and you don't even care
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
