My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
