I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
