How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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