she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
