sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
