did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
