I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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