You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
