Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
