my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
