the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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