I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
