thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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