Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
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