He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
