Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
