Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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