Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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