think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
