Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
