hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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