ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
