I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Panties = found
Randomize