i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
