I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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