If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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