meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
