I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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