I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
