There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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