Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
