I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
