Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
