He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
