Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
