Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
