Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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