I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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