We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
