It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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